So I’m gonna steal a good chunk of this from my Facebook, so bear with me if you’ve read any of this there… but this is much, much more…
The dictionary defines “awaken” as:
1: to cease sleeping
2: to become aroused or active again
3: to become conscious or aware of something
Awakening. It feels like an almost magical word right now.
Awakening. That’s what happened tonight.
Tonight I went to DC Metro Church for the first time. What a life-changing evening.
It’s no secret I’ve been out of the church for the past 10 years. I can’t even remember if I’ve talked about it here or not, because… I don’t even know. Heck, I don’t even really know how to put it all to words now. How I’ve been able to stay out of church for so long. How I’ve known God to BE REAL, and yet deny Him so many times. To go out of my way to stay out a church, just so my mother wouldn’t “have her way.”
But after months of just talking about it. After having almost talked myself out of going throughout the evening. Tonight I walked in the doors of the church.
Emotions. Overwhelming. Overflowing. My-heart-spilleth-over style. Immediately. As I’m first sitting down, I can barely hold back the tears. And I pray so vehemently that God can “stop embarrassing me” and let me just sit there like a “normal person” and get through the service. But He clearly had other plans for me.
I’m not kidding when I say it’s been 10years since I’ve gone really gone to church on my own accord. Sure I go (sometimes) when I’m home at Christmas, but even this year it was begrudgingly. Tonight I think God was determined to make clear to me just how broken I was. Because He broke me there in that place. He wasn’t going to let me walk out another church door without overwhelming my heart and forcing me to acknowledge Him.
Tonight God was working HARD on my heart.
I can’t really walk you through the emotions and everything that happened next, but it’s suffice to say that He truly works in mysterious ways.
Tonight His grace overwhelmed my brokenness.
Lots of tears, praying and praising later I renewed my faith and was baptized. *and boy did I look like a cold wet rat with mascara EVERYWHERE afterwards – I didn’t plan a spiritual awakening tonight after all*
Even as I write this now, I’m sobbing like a baby. Running nose, red eyes, overjoyed heart.
And all I can say is, thank you God for never giving up on me. Thank you to my parents who have prayed tirelessly for me to find a church and be humbled to a place of brokenness and awakening. And thank you DC Metro Church for opening your doors to someone who really, really needed a church to call home.
How beautifully appropriate.
Until next time,